Mosquito Problems

I must taste really good because some psycho mosquito bit me 10 times in my sleep last night. I was in my bed, sleeping and dreaming about Sims 3 when I felt this itch on my forehead so I started scratching it but a few seconds later, my thumb started itching so I used my other hand to scratch my thumb. Soon after, my neck started itching too but I ran out of hands so I couldn’t scratch myself anymore. I was still half asleep so I just ignored it and continued dreaming about Sims 3 but something started stinging really badly. At first, I thought it was Edward Cullen biting me in my sleep since he has a tendency to watch people sleeping (I was really sleepy and my imagination is at its highest when my brain’s half dead so I think of stuff like that). But then I was like, “Hey, Edward Cullen’s a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat people.”

When I finally came to my senses, the truth dawned me: A MOSQUITO IS IN MY ROOM. I was fully awake at this point so I kicked off the covers and started screaming like I’d just seen the Boogie Monster. My dad, who had a bed head that made him look like an oompa loompa, rushed into my room and asked what was wrong. I looked him in the eye and said with the most serious voice I could muster, “There. Is. A. Mosquito. In. My. Room.” My dad looked pretty disgruntled at that and started sputtering a whole bunch of nonsense that went along the lines of, “You wake me up in the middle of the night for a stupid MOSQUITO?”

What do you mean a stupid mosquito? I’ll have you know that mosquitos aren’t stupid or harmless. You have all these people worrying about blood sucking vampires but what they should really be worrying about is blood sucking mosquitos. They like to watch you like a hawk and when you’re off guard, they fly up to you and suck your blood. If this doesn’t sound scary, I don’t know what does.

Mosquitos and insects have been a big problem lately. It’s that time of the year where it’s not cold enough for you to shut the windows but not hot enough for you to switch the air conditioning on because it’s a waste of energy as my mom likes to remind me. So I open my bedroom window when I sleep since it’s actually pretty breezy. The only problem with this is that mosquitos fly into my room while I’m asleep and eat me. Sometimes, they like to fly up to my ear and make that annoying buzzing sound that’s supposedly the sound of their wings flapping at a million times per second. I just want to scream SHUT UP ALREADY OR I’LL CLIP OFF YOUR STUPID WINGS AND YOU’LL BECOME A WINGLESS CRIPPLE.

As if the flapping wing thing isn’t annoying enough, they have bite you in the weirdest of locations. There isn’t a location that I haven’t been bitten in. They have gotten me on my nose, eyelid, earlobe, thumb, toe, bellybutton, you name it. And you know what’s the worst part? These little bastards don’t dare to show their faces. The moment you see them, they disappear. It’s like they can teleport from Point A to Point B. Forget about bats being descendants of vampires, mosquitos are the guys you’re looking for.

Also, mosquitos always seem to bite you when you least expect it, like when you’re asleep. If you’re going to bite me, at least have the guts to bite me when I’m alive and kicking. I mean, MAN IT UP, BITE ME WHERE I CAN SEE YOU. I don’t appreciate when they sneak up on me when I’m at my most vulnerable. I don’t know what’s going on in real life when I’m sleeping so I can’t pulverize the mosquito (not that I usually pulverize them, I just kind of scream and run away). But hey, at least give me a fighting chance. Anyone can bite people when they’re sleeping. There should be a mosquito code of conduct on this.

So mosquito, if you’re reading this, I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Come back to bite me in my sleep ever again and I’m going to scream and call my mom. Then you’ll be sorry.

The Chinese Teacher

I think my Chinese teacher needs anger management. She was on a detention-giving spree today where she gave people detention for vague crimes like ‘looking weird’ or ‘being bad’. If ‘looking weird’ or ‘being bad’ were crimes, we’d all get arrested. I mean, isn’t that what they invented the law for? To stop corrupted law enforcers from making biased judgments? I don’t think my Chinese teacher knows that because apparently, she’s still living in Imperial China where they beat people with sticks to make them confess for crimes they’ve never done.

The first detention was given to this guy who the Chinese teacher just hates for no reason. He was kind of moving his mouth so the Chinese teacher was like “WHY ARE YOU MURMURING?” and he was like, “Uh I wasn’t murmuring?”. Then she’s like “WHY ARE YOU BEING BAD? SIT OUTSIDE!”. So the guy starts packing up his stuff and putting them in his bag when she catches him putting something in his pocket so she’s like “WHAT DID YOU PUT IN YOUR POCKET?” and he’s like nothing. So she storms up to him, feels up his butt (this should count for sexual harassment) and pulls out an iPhone from his pocket. She’s really pissed at this point and starts barking, “WHY DID YOU LIE?!?!?!? FRIDAY DETENTION FOR LYING!”

Then after a few minutes of what seemed like peace, the Chinese teacher thinks that the two boys sitting in the front row are talking to each other. So she tells one of them off for provoking the other guy and sends him outside. But in reality, he wasn’t the one that was talking, it was someone else. The someone else felt bad for that guy being punished for something he did so he told the teacher that it was him who did the talking. And the Chinese teacher seemed really unsatisfied with this and started screaming, “WHY ARE YOU TELLING THE TRUTH? DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BEING BRAVE?” and the guy’s like, “I was just trying to be honest…” but before he could finish the Chinese teacher goes, “FRIDAY DETENTION FOR BEING HONEST!”

Manhattan from the Sky

I haven’t blogged in ages. I stopped ever since I went to New York. Things have been a bit weird lately; I’m going through some kind of mid-life crisis. I realize that I’m 15 and I’m not middle aged yet, but I reckon if I die at 30 and 30 divided by 2 is 15, I’ve reached the middle of my life. Who says I’m not good at Math?

I’ll pick up where I left off since I didn’t write much when I was in New York. New York was great but I’m not one of those people find themselves mind blown when they arrive. If you live in the suburbs, arriving in New York would be like walking into Jurassic Park. As a city person, I know how city life works. New York is exactly like Hong Kong, only neater. I don’t know about the rest of New York, I mostly hung out in Manhattan. We didn’t get around much because we woke up at 11 every morning and when my mom got up, she locked herself in the bathroom to do god knows what. I ended up having to wait for her so I slouched off on the couch watching Degrassi on Nick. You’d think that they’d have more TV shows in America but nope, the channels are filled with the most ridiculous teen comedies. I basically started my mornings with a daily dose of cliche teen woes like bulimia and teen pregnancy. Degrassi actually reminds me of Skins only it’s set in Canada and more family-friendly.

We visited most of the tourist attractions; Rockefeller Center, Times Square and Central Park. Central Park was snowed over so it didn’t look like a park. It did have a winter vibe to it, though. But I had to sacrifice the feeling from my toes to feel the Christmas spirit. I was wearing a pair of cheap ugg boot knock offs (my dad got them from a factory in China) and they weren’t exactly waterproof. So an hour of touring around Central Park was basically dumping bucketfuls of water onto my feet. Unless you wear knee high rain boots, it’s suicide. My feet were so cold and wet from the snow they practically grew icicles. We had to take refuge in the Apple Store or my toes would’ve fallen off.

I had to take the subway to get around the city (no fancy limos for me, unfortunately) and I had doubts about getting into that dingy boxcar. There was a large contingency of shady characters wearing gangsta hoodies and they kept their heads so low you couldn’t see their faces. These types of people always seem to be the ones that pull back their hoods and whip out a gun in the movies, which is why I knew to stay clear of them. I managed to get out of there unscathed but it was still an unpleasant experience. I witnessed three skinny men who claimed that the world was going to end, they even proceeded to recite pages from the holy bible. You could tell that the guy sitting next to them was smothering the impulse to laugh. He kept shaking his head and then he turned to his friend and said, “I wish I brought an iPod.”

We also managed to watch two Broadway musicals in Time Square; Phantom of the Opera and Wicked. I liked Wicked more than Phantom, it was more light-hearted and easier to get. When I was watching Phantom of the Opera, I spent half my time trying to figure out what was going on. I get the gist of it, but the way they sang the dialogue like it was opera made it hard for me to hear. Instead of saying, “I’m about to eat this hamburger”, they would turn it into “Lalalala I aaaaam about to eeeaaat this hammmburrrrgerrrrrr oooh lalalalaa.” Now Wicked was more of a family-orientated musical, there were no creepy masked psychos trying to stalk girls. It’s about a green faced girl who befriends a popular blonde girl so it was something I could relate to on an intellectual level.

On Christmas day, we drove around New York with my cousin and his girlfriend. We ate lunch at The Palace and my cousin dutifully noted that Gossip Girl was filmed there. I don’t know how he knew that, I guess my 29-year-old male cousin watches Gossip Girl or something. He even asked me if I watched Gossip Girl and I said yeah (I’m a 15 year old teenage girl so that makes it acceptable). Then he said that his cousin, who’s a 32-year-old male, loves Gossip Girl. I couldn’t keep myself from imagining the two of them, a 29-year-old male and a 32-year-old male, discussing Gossip Girl at a bar or wherever middle-aged men hang out.

After lunch at The Palace, we went to Battery Park to look at the Statue of Liberty. All I can say about that experience is that I froze my butt off for a tiny black statue looming in the distance. I could hardly see a thing from where I was standing. We stood there, staring at this tiny black speck for 3 minutes until we decided that the tiny black speck was no longer worth our short attention span.

As nighttime drew near, we had our Christmas dinner to look forward to. My cousin doesn’t have a homey home because he lives like a college frat boy. I don’t even think he has a kitchen. So we couldn’t exactly grab a frozen turkey from the supermarket and bake it in his non-existent oven. All the Western restaurants were either fully booked or closed for the holidays so we had no choice but to go to Chinatown and eat soup dumplings for Christmas dinner. I wouldn’t put up with it because Chinese food for Christmas dinner is just blasphemous.

After 10 minutes of complaining on my part, we ended up eating our Christmas dinner in Little Italy instead (Little Italy is right next to Chinatown despite the geographical inaccuracy). The Italian restaurant was your stereotypical Italian place; black and white checkered floors, yellow wallpaper and shiny red countertops. We ordered soup, spaghetti bolognese and chicken but we forgot about the Italians and their affinity for large food proportions. The waiters came out with huge plates of spaghetti and meatballs the size of my fist. As we ate, a band comprising of two aging Italian men played over us in the dim light. The family sitting next to us requested they sing ‘White Christmas’, so they sang ‘White Christmas’ while strumming away at their banjos. The Christmas atmosphere was great, much better than sitting in a run down Chinese restaurant eating soup dumplings. After we ate, talked, laughed and abused each other in the friendly way we do, we heaved our bloated stomachs out of there. My dad was so full; his already fat stomach was fatter than usual. He had to unbutton his jeans to keep himself from bursting at the seams.

The day we left, my cousin ordered a car for us (it wasn’t a limo, just your average sedan car. I’m not upper east side enough for that). The doorman helped us load our luggage onto the car. Just as I was about to get on, the doorman came up to me and did that thing African American guys do with their ‘brothers’. Like when you jump up to someone and bump them? I don’t know if this is your typical day-to-day American life but it was weird all the same. Don’t you only do those kinds of things with your guy friends, like your homies? Anyway, he did the body bump thing and said, “You’re leaving us?” I was like uh yeah I guess. I don’t know what I should’ve said, I barely knew the guy and there he was getting over affectionate on me.

Well, here I am. Back in the land of the normal where people don’t talk to strangers or exchange small talk when they’re in the elevator. You just stare at your feet and hope no one notices your awkwardness.

Also if you haven’t noticed already, new layout! Took me ages to get this done. It’s cross browser compatible and everything. It even looked decent in IE6 the last time I checked but you never know when IE6 decides to make your layout go haywire again.