Archive for Random

Lose Phone, Get iPhone 4

My mom is notorious for losing cell phones. Over the past 10 years, she has lost over 20 cell phones, either by ‘accidentally’ dropping them somewhere or by falling victim to pickpockets.

This month, she has lost her phone 3 times. The first time, she dropped it on the subway. The second time, she dropped a new phone in a taxi but the phone was later found by a passenger on the taxi, who was kind enough to call my dad and tell him he had my mom’s phone. So my dad had to go find the guy, get the phone back and pay him 100 dollars for being a nice person.

But it was all a negative investment because my mom lost that phone AGAIN. This time, it was stolen by someone. I don’t know why my mom is so prone to pick pockets. Maybe because she has a sign on her forehead that says “STEAL MY PHONE” or something.

So after losing the phone, getting the phone back and losing the phone again, my dad decides to buy her an iPhone 4. I have no idea why - maybe he just wants to test out the ‘Find my iPhone’ app for when my mom loses it. I think Steve Jobs was inspired by my mom when he created that app.

But the moral of this story is: lose your phone 3 times in a month: get an iPhone 4.

Mosquito Problems

I must taste really good because some psycho mosquito bit me 10 times in my sleep last night. I was in my bed, sleeping and dreaming about Sims 3 when I felt this itch on my forehead so I started scratching it but a few seconds later, my thumb started itching so I used my other hand to scratch my thumb. Soon after, my neck started itching too but I ran out of hands so I couldn’t scratch myself anymore. I was still half asleep so I just ignored it and continued dreaming about Sims 3 but something started stinging really badly. At first, I thought it was Edward Cullen biting me in my sleep since he has a tendency to watch people sleeping (I was really sleepy and my imagination is at its highest when my brain’s half dead so I think of stuff like that). But then I was like, “Hey, Edward Cullen’s a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat people.”

When I finally came to my senses, the truth dawned me: A MOSQUITO IS IN MY ROOM. I was fully awake at this point so I kicked off the covers and started screaming like I’d just seen the Boogie Monster. My dad, who had a bed head that made him look like an oompa loompa, rushed into my room and asked what was wrong. I looked him in the eye and said with the most serious voice I could muster, “There. Is. A. Mosquito. In. My. Room.” My dad looked pretty disgruntled at that and started sputtering a whole bunch of nonsense that went along the lines of, “You wake me up in the middle of the night for a stupid MOSQUITO?”

What do you mean a stupid mosquito? I’ll have you know that mosquitos aren’t stupid or harmless. You have all these people worrying about blood sucking vampires but what they should really be worrying about is blood sucking mosquitos. They like to watch you like a hawk and when you’re off guard, they fly up to you and suck your blood. If this doesn’t sound scary, I don’t know what does.

Mosquitos and insects have been a big problem lately. It’s that time of the year where it’s not cold enough for you to shut the windows but not hot enough for you to switch the air conditioning on because it’s a waste of energy as my mom likes to remind me. So I open my bedroom window when I sleep since it’s actually pretty breezy. The only problem with this is that mosquitos fly into my room while I’m asleep and eat me. Sometimes, they like to fly up to my ear and make that annoying buzzing sound that’s supposedly the sound of their wings flapping at a million times per second. I just want to scream SHUT UP ALREADY OR I’LL CLIP OFF YOUR STUPID WINGS AND YOU’LL BECOME A WINGLESS CRIPPLE.

As if the flapping wing thing isn’t annoying enough, they have bite you in the weirdest of locations. There isn’t a location that I haven’t been bitten in. They have gotten me on my nose, eyelid, earlobe, thumb, toe, bellybutton, you name it. And you know what’s the worst part? These little bastards don’t dare to show their faces. The moment you see them, they disappear. It’s like they can teleport from Point A to Point B. Forget about bats being descendants of vampires, mosquitos are the guys you’re looking for.

Also, mosquitos always seem to bite you when you least expect it, like when you’re asleep. If you’re going to bite me, at least have the guts to bite me when I’m alive and kicking. I mean, MAN IT UP, BITE ME WHERE I CAN SEE YOU. I don’t appreciate when they sneak up on me when I’m at my most vulnerable. I don’t know what’s going on in real life when I’m sleeping so I can’t pulverize the mosquito (not that I usually pulverize them, I just kind of scream and run away). But hey, at least give me a fighting chance. Anyone can bite people when they’re sleeping. There should be a mosquito code of conduct on this.

So mosquito, if you’re reading this, I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Come back to bite me in my sleep ever again and I’m going to scream and call my mom. Then you’ll be sorry.